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The following is a list of sermons by Jesse Custer.

"Pilot"Edit

""This is it. This is the best I can do." But for Coach Tom Landry... that wasn't good enough. He looked down at that player and he looked up, into one other's eyes, and he frowned. He said... "Get off... Get off your backside. Stand up and run." And that player looked at him, and he did. And some of you might be askin' what the heck football has to do with the Parable of the Five Foolish Bridesmaids. Uh, St. Matthew reminds us that salvation won't come to those...to those... St. Matthew reminds us that salvation won't come to those... The answer is...Uh, the ans... the answer is bein' humble. Um... So think about that."
—Jesse Custer's sermon on the Parable of the Five Foolish Bridesmaids
Jesse Custer realizes he can't quit on his congregation
"No sermon today. You're welcome for that. I'll try not to punch anyone, either. I do have an announcement. The other night, someone asked me why I'd come back to Annville. I didn't have an answer for her... at least, not a convincing one. I've let you down. Week after week, I've been just another man that hurts by not helping. I've not had a single morning where I-I didn't wake up and... have to force my feet to the floor to face you. The bottom line is, I've been a bad preacher. And for that, I am sorry. But "I'm sorry" doesn't change anything. My shortcomings... they're not news to anyone. What is news and, uh, what I've decided is... I can't... I can't... I can't quit. I've been quitting on you for too long. I've been quitting on this church. You deserve better. You...You deserve... You deserve a good preacher. You deserve a good preacher, and... and that's what you're gonna get. As of today... as of right now, I'm going to fight. I'm going to do what all good preachers have done since the Serpent and Man's Fall... pray for the sinner. Offer peace to the restless. Avenge the innocent. Cool the wrathful. Welcome those who are lost. And last but not least... speak forth the Word of God. For all this, I am responsible. I am that preacher. This is my answer. This is why I've come home. To save you."
—Jesse's announcement to quit turns into a sermon


"Monster Swamp"Edit

Jesse asks Odin if he would serve God
"I want to thank you all for coming out this morning. I know it's not always easy to get here on a Sunday. Kids don't want to get dressed. Lawn needs mowing. Doing laundry, paying bills. Whatever. It's been a long week, and you got another one starting up tomorrow, so thank you. Besides, and here's the real reason it ain't easy getting here, and that's, "What good's it gonna do?" Right? I mean, look at this world. You turn on the radio, surf the Internet. Heck, look out your dang window. It's crazy out there. You've got wars in every direction, bombs going off in coffee shops and schools. Folks scared to hug each other on account of some new disease. Yep. The world is turning to sh*t. And you know what? It's all your fault. You've turned your back on the Lord. Your despair has caused you to lose faith, embrace false idols. But these idols, these things... They won't save you. Your whisky won't save you. Your money won't save you. s*x, love, romance... They will not save you. Your parents, your precious little children, that 55-inch flat-screen TV out there? Nothing. Nothing will save you. You are sinners. You have strayed. You have forgotten the power of the Lord. But it's not too late. I'm here to remind you that starting today... No, starting right now, I'm going to bring you back to God, one by one. Beginning with one man amongst us who has strayed furthest. God wants you back, Mr. Quincannon. "Serve him and you will go out in joy, be led forth in peace.""
—Jesse's sermon on modern society

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